awake while sleeping...

you go to bed every night hoping for deliverance knowing it won’t come

you like to think that tomorrow is another day, another chance to get it right

you know you’ll still be fighting against the wall, struggling to climb away from the present into the future

the future is supposed to be better, but there doesn’t seem to be any light

there is no heart to propel you forward. it’s too busy mourning too many losses

movies that never made you cry evoke sobs

sad songs play against your memories

you want to move on, past the reality that only promises pain

maybe the future will be better, but how…when the people you saw in the play are somewhere else?

you have to rewrite the script, make allowances for change

propelling motion forward isn’t what you desire

that’s something you can live without

if only there was enough faith to be sure of what was up ahead

why all the pushing against the present to reach the future?

compel is a dirty verb

it’s as if you are stuck in one season and there is no reprieve

no promise that the snow will fall or the sun will shine

you reach for inspiration in dark corners

don’t seek to replace what you’ve lost, seek to find the new

sleep is your only escape---a relief from what goes unseen

you can’t escape the demons at your door

every night they seep into the crevices of life to greet you at dawn

you are awake while sleeping