Living the Central Perk Life...

Life isn't like being at Central Perk. If that were my life, I wouldn't be sitting alone at Starbucks sipping my non-fat hot chocolate and typing on my laptop, feeling all alone in the world. The chair wouldn't be stiff, wooden, and hard. I'd be on a plush, chocolate brown sofa surrounded by my best friends. Instead they are thousands of miles away on missions, living in other cities, newly married, or trying to figure out their own lives and if there's room for me in them. In so many ways, so close and yet so far.

Amy, Sarah, and I spent our three years of college together watching all 10 seasons of Friends. Over the years we've reenacted many of the episodes, some by choice, others not so much. The one where Ross buys a couch and it's a disaster, well...I bought a crappy couch that smelled so bad it made Amy and I sick. We almost threw it off the balcony which would have produced about the same effect as Ross's apartment tenants trampling his sofa. The complicated relationship of Ross and Rachel...the whole falling for your best friend's good friend (not brother in my case but close enough)...yep, I've lived that too. Still trying to figure that all out, and let me tell ya, in real life that scenario is just as, if not more so, complicated than it is on TV. The one with Monica's boots that she LOVES but kill her feet...Sarah knows what that's all about.

We've all embodied the varying personality traits of our favorite friends. Although, thankfully, with us good Mormons, sex has never complicated our friendships, loves, or life equations.

Extensively organized and immaculately clean aka Monica...that's darling Amy. Joey, player with a soft side, that's Josh-ua. Completely outspoken and quirky aka Phoebe...Emiline! Chandler, hilariously funny who has a hard time being serious but still feels deeply, that's Chris. Ross, kinda quiet but pretty smart with funny, endearing quirks...Chadly. Overly emotional but she can't help it aka Rachel...me.

See I had the Central Perk life once, for a brief passing time. Although it wasn't in a coffee shop in New York City and it most definitely wasn't on a plush, sofa the color of milk chocolate. It was in a little apartment in Logan, UT on a 70s orange, flower-print nightmare of a sofa.

Those days are gone now. I won't ever get them back, but I'm grateful I had them at all. I never thought I would have a group of friends who would do things together and who I could love and they would love me back. Some people grow up with friends they've known forever and who they experience tons of life's adventures with year in and year out. I've never had that. I didn't have real friends until college. So while life has changed yet once again, and my dear friends and I seem to be forever apart, I take comfort in the knowledge that for however brief, I lived the Central Perk life.

Seasons and series may end, but I have a store of real-life episodes in my cache of memories that will last a lifetime.

Catching Up...

I feel like I haven't really blogged, at least consistently, for quite some time. It could be because I've been busy graduating from college, moving to a new apartment, and getting on with the rest of my life. The most distracting thing is the whole "getting on with the rest of my life" part. Limbo Land has become my hometown. My mind spins with questions about keeping my job, looking for a new job, losing friends, maintaining relationships, finding places to live, moving, searching for something to give me peace...anything really. I planned my whole life out to the point of graduating from college; I forgot to dream up anything else. I assumed my life would follow the cookie cutter pattern of meeting a boy in college, marrying him so we could live happily every after, and going from there; what a far cry from my reality.

Even though life doesn't go the way you plan, it helps me to have something resembling a plan, some idea of what I want/what could happen in the future. I thought my life would follow this little formula and that I'd be in a place in my life where I see so many others...married, starting a life with another person, thinking about having kids, buying your first house etc. For whatever reason, that has not been, nor is it, my life. And, I'm ok with that. I've had to get to that place of acceptance, of a realization that it's ok that I'm not where I thought I would be and where so many other people are. Right now, I am trying to figure out what's next, what do I need to do to make the most of where I am right now. So many questions, and it seems like I can't find the answers. They will come, but it takes time...something I have too much and too little of, all at the same time.

Despite all of the questions that invade my head, I have been busy doing other things. Earlier this month I threw a "bachelor party" for Chadly. Obviously, from the fact that girl planned it, the party wasn't really a "bachelor party". We went out to this country-bumpkin diner in Preston, ID for dinner and then went to see the movie "The A-Team". Two weeks ago I went home to visit my family in Washington. It was great to have a break from work and hang with the fam. I flew in to Seattle and then drove back with Kevin and Jamie (my cousin and his wife). We took the longest way possible home but had a good time. We stopped in Spokane to check out Gonzaga's law school because Kevin is thinking about applying there when the time comes. It was amazing! I could totally live there and got to school there. When I start applying to grad schools, I think I will apply there in addition to the University of Utah, Utah State etc. I also celebrated my first 24th of July this year. Gotta love Utah-Only holidays, complete with floats of confetti-laden, glittery temple models. This summer is nothing like last summer but no year is ever the same. What kind of life would that be anyway?

Things you may know & others you may not...

I think Tillamook Cheese is the best cheese around.


I hate road kill...it seriously makes me want to cry every time I see it.


I think the best present my future husband will be able to give me when we are parents is to let me sleep in.


I put mayonnaise in my scrambled eggs...it's weird, I know...I blame my parents.


I miss Sarah Miller every single day!


I have a strange fascination with ducks. I love them! A few of my friends could tell you about my glee about ducks. It's kinda ridiculous.


If I could afford it, I would have Starbucks EVERY morning without fail.


I'm obsessed with wedding blogs, but that you probably already know.


Going to the movies is flipping expensive, but I love it.


Using green works products makes me feel like a better person. So does recycling.


I didn't have real friends until I came to college.


I don't think I've ever lived my life without a sense of time.


I've never been to Southern Utah (however, that will be changing in August).


I hated summer as a kid (don't worry, I grew out of that).


I wouldn't have gotten through the last six months without my friend Chad.


Coming to Utah State saved my life.


Daphne Du Maurier is my favorite author.


Grey's Anatomy is my favorite show.


My dad and I have a dream of going to New York to visit Cooperstown and see the David Letterman Show.


I love singer-songwriters.


I will never escape the fact that I am a country music girl at heart.


My girl friends and I quote She's the Man more than any other movie.


Coke is one of my guilty pleasures.

An End of an Era...

I wrote this a few weeks ago but never posted. It's not totally finished but here it is the way it stands:

In less than two weeks it will be the end of an era. The end of a time in my life when I found more of myself. A time when I finally found real friends. A time when I allowed myself to live and love and lose. A time that started out as mere survival and turned into something real.

When I came to Utah State University in August of 2007, I was weak, wary, and weathered. After withdrawing from BYU less than a year earlier, I was still tentative about starting college again.When I left BYU in November 2006, I didn't know if I would ever return to college. Uprooted by severe, clinical depression, life seemed hopeless. While I still had a will to live, I no longer possessed hope in my ability to live the life I had imagined. Waking up and getting dressed was a big accomplishment during those days. It was my inability to function at a normal level that led me to leaving BYU. I couldn't keep running at such a furious pace. I was too worn down. I had nothing left to give.

Leaving BYU saved my life. Coming to USU made my life.

"There's something about this place that makes me think I could be more than I ever could be." Simple words on a 4x6 postcard. Words rehearsed to hundreds of SOAR students in the summer of 2009. Words that inspired one who was hopeless. Words that confirmed USU was the right choice.

Chadly is engaged!!!

One of my best friends in the whole world got engaged this weekend! Chad (aka Chadly) Andrews will marry Shelly Thompson on July 31st in the Logan Temple. I am so excited for them I can't put it into words. Chad has been getting ready to propose for the past couple weeks. It's been the main topic of our conversations these days. Maybe it's weird that I am writing this post but I don't care. I am so excited!

It's been so fun to watch the journey of Chad and Shelly. Chad and I (along with Sarah and Amy) first became friends because he came over for girl advice about "Salt Lake Girl"---a friend who he had known for a few years, sort of dated, but couldn't figure out because they would flirt and have fun together, and then other times not so much. Well, "Salt Lake Girl" was Shelly. It's crazy how connections and friendships come about. I will be forever grateful to Shelly for being "Salt Lake Girl". Life would not be the same without Chad. He is an amazing friend. I don't know what I would do without Chad. He gets me. Having Sarah be gone this semester has been insanely hard for me. I seriously don't think I could have made it without Chad. He's always there for me no matter what. Plus, we go on awesome adventures and have way fun dinner and movie nights.

Chad and I talk about the wedding plans all the time. I'm a big fan of weddings, so I love every minute of it. He showed me pictures of the ring design, the Anniversary Inn rooms etc. I think my favorite part has been when Chad and I are hanging out and he'll randomly say, "Clarissa, Shelly is so cute." Shelly, he loves you so much! In the two years I have known Chad I have never seen him this happy. When Chad got the ring on Friday he couldn't stop smiling. I rushed over as soon as I got home to see it. Shelly is a lucky girl. Saturday night, after Chad proposed, he and Shelly came over, walked into my apartment, and Chad yelled "We're engaged!" Sunday night when he came over to give me the rest of the engagement details (I helped with all the planning but had to hear about how it all actually happened) he was in a complete state of blissful euphoria. He didn't know he could be this happy. That's how it is supposed to be.

Chad is the first person who I am really connected with/a really good friend to get engaged. A ton of my acquaintances have jumped on the marriage and baby ship, but nobody I really care about who has a profound influence in my life...until now. While I know things won't ever be the same, I am so excited for Chad that it outweighs all the change factors.

As cheesy as it sounds, I know he and Shelly will be eternally happy.

An Attempted Surprise...

There is a select percentage of individuals on this planet who can never be surprised. No matter how hard we little minions try, we can't fool the masters. Christopher is one such individual; so is my mother.

The thing about people infected with this "surprise resistant" disorder is they are always aware of it and not ashamed to come right out and tell you about their little "problem". I think it frustrates those who are infected with the disorder even more than those who can't ever surprise them. Luckily, there are worse things in life than not being able to be surprised. However, for those of us who try to surprise the "unsurprisable", it can be slightly frustrating, but what can ya do?

Wednesday night Chris's sister Ashley had planned to have a birthday dinner for Chris with his family and friends, with me as the surprise guest. Too bad Chris saw her facebook while he was babysitting the kids and saw that she had invited a bunch of people. That's the thing about not being able to surprise some people, they don't even try to find out the surprise, and yet somehow it happens. It is definitely not a win-win situation. I did try to throw Chris off by telling him I was going to the Aggie basketball game Wednesday night; it worked for a bit but the day of he figured it out...dang it!

Despite the lack of surprise it was an awesome night. Red Robin was delicious, as always, and Chris and I each put back several strawberry lemonades. Jaeden was a little chatter box; he thought it was his party, not Chris's. Baby Connor cried when we said Jesus, causing an upheaval of laughter from all around and Chris teasing me about "Jesus class" AKA: institute.

The night wouldn't have been complete without the best present of all, no not money, not gift cards, not awesome Disney popcorn bowls that came in a ridiculously large box while everyone else gave cards (obviously someone didn't get the memo), but a pink party blower, compliments of Gma---best present of the night hands down. So much fun; and no, we are not five years old. Chris taunted me with the blower the entire evening, but I was victorious in the end. Oh and I can't forget "the raptor". All I can say is that's just something you have to experience for yourself in real life, there really are no words.

At the close of the evening, after all the french fries had been consumed and paper balls thrown, Chris and I took our time bidding farewell due to the homework calling Chris's name. Next time he'll listen to Nick!

And one of these days, Chris will be SURPRISED! I don't know how but I'm gonna make it happen! Just watch me Christopher....

Weekend at Amy's Cabin

This past weekend Amy, Sarah, Emilee, Melinda, and I headed to Oakley to stay at Amy's cabin. We celebrated Sarah's 22nd birthday by going to this super cute diner and having f'zookies later that night after Sarah had opened all of her wonderfully fabulous gifts. We stayed up until 2 am eating junk food and watching Friends. Needless to say, most of us didn't get up until 11:00 am the next morning. We had a lovely brunch of blueberry muffins, bacon (one of my favorite things on this planet), scrambled eggs, grapes, and orange juice.

After our gourmet cabin breakfast/brunch we bundled up in our snow gear and headed out to explore the snow covered wilderness. Sarah, Em, and myself battled against Amy and Melinda, attacking each other with snowballs, wishing we could produce them at the same pace as Buddy the Elf. Mischievous Melinda took her turn throwing each of us down the deep snow bank on the side of the road. I attempted to jump onto the moving tube as Sarah zipped down the hill to no avail; every time I landed flat on my face, watching Sarah coast away without me. Melinda, on the other hand, was a pro at jumping on the moving tube. Several times Amy, Em, and I attempted at making a chain on the sledding discs, but we never could really get going at a rapid enough rate to produce optimum speed.

Playing in the snow was honestly the most fun I've had in awhile. We were free to just play like when we were kids, innocent without a care in the world. Outside there were no worries, no stresses, no dreams about the future. There in Oakley time stood still; the present was all we cared about. I got in touch with my "inner snow child" during those few hours of play. Flying down the hill, the sheer pleasure of speed and snow consumed me; playing was all that mattered.

After our snow play was over, we headed back in to warm up, eat some food, and play Clue before cleaning up and returning back to Murray. Back at Sarah's house, Melinda headed off to a family party and the rest of us enjoyed a Papa Murphy's Chicago style pizza, a brief dance party, and an episode of Num3ers. Driving back to Logan, Amy and I encountered a massive blizzard!! While snow came at us at warp speed, we took it slow through the canyon until we finally made it home safe and sound.

I am so grateful for good friends and moments when I can escape the world and truly enjoy the present.

Ringtones...

Ringtones have their place in the personalization-obsessed modern culture of today. For the longest time I have only had one ringtone for my cell phone since they cost a whopping $2.50 a piece. So until a few months ago, whenever anyone called me, I always heard Taylor Swift's "The Outside".

However, since I got a new phone I have entered the wonderful world of personalized ringtones for my most important callers. Out of impatience and frustration, I accidentally signed up for a year of unlimited ringtones for $23.99. I was trying to save a buck while still getting more ringtones...not sure if that really worked out in my favor. Since I paid the money and couldn't get a refund, I have been downloading songs to my little heart's content. I also pass on ringtones to my friends so they can benefit from my frivolous purchase. I spread the ringtone love around.

The first ringtone I downloaded was "That's Not My Name" by The Ting Tings. This is my ringtone for Sarah, one of my best friends in the whole wide world. We love singing this song together in her car. It makes me smile everytime I hear it. Then I needed a gansta ringtone for Josh-uwa so I downloaded my good buddy Akon's song "Troublemaker". Sugarland's "Baby Girl" sounds off every time my mom calls, Taylor Swift's "15" serves as my 15-year-old sister's ringtone...very fitting I thought, my bro's ringtone is Black Eyed Peas "I gotta feeling" (one of the better songs out there right now), my dad's ringtone is Jason Aldean's "Johny Cash"...one of my dad's and my favorite songs ever, and Auntie's ringtone is "Chicken Fried" by the Zac Brown Band. For everyone else, the default ringtone is Boys Like Girls "Love Drunk".

With the family and best friends taken care of, it was time to choose a ringtone for Chris. When the Colbie Calliat song "Fallin for You" came out I immediately loved it, and given my current state I found it a very fitting ringtone for when Christopher calls me. At the time, we weren't talking on the phone too much so I figured it wasn't too forward of me to put that as his ringtone---I wasn't sure if and when I'd ever really hear it. But since then, we talk on the phone a lot now and inevitably, every time I hear "I keep spending all my time, just thinking 'bout ya...I don't know what to do, I think I've fallen for you," a grin comes across my face that always lasts for quite awhile.

The other day, Chris and I were talking on the phone and from story I was telling him the subject of ringtones came up. He asked me what his was and I promptly told him "uhuh...that is way too embarrassing". With a little nagging he got me to reveal that his is "Fallin for You". Then he teased me that I'd never find out what mine is. That wasn't gonna fly with me, so despite his embarrassment, Christopher confessed that his ringtone for me is Keith Urban's "Kiss a Girl". We thoroughly embarrassed each other...it was great :-)

I never knew how much the effects of the personalization-obsession could make a girl smile.

They're back...

All is back in order at Brooklane Apartments. Yesterday my friends that left for the summer returned!! Logan, is once again bustling with college students. The summer citizens have flown back to their nests. Vibrant youth has replaced humble age.

Sarah moved in yesterday and it feels like she never left. Josh is back, only this year he is living in #14. Cody and Matt stopped by and we all got caught up on life. Chad's still here too, only he's living in #4 instead of #5. It was just like old times with our boys next door, even if none of them are actually next door anymore.

Matt and Cody are living in Nottingham apartments just a few blocks south of Brooklane. Yesterday, talking to Josh, Cody said, "Nottingham is very naughty" in a lovely British accent. That kid is truly one of a kind. Matt asked if he could enlist my help to decorate his room, so we went to Wal-Mart and got curtains, a curtain rod, rug, and shower curtain.

After chillaxin in our apartment for awhile, we all ended up going out to dinner together at Firehouse. Then for A-Team, I headed up to the quad to help get the pre-back-to-school-bash party started. I danced it up on the quad with all the freshman until Em, Josh, and Maddie came up for a bit. Then we all headed back to my apartment to watch a movie and guess who was there....Jeff and Kyle! This year they are living in the Round House, just up the street from our apartment.

I don't know if I am really ready for school tomorrow, but I am so glad we're all back together again!

A Trip to the Taco Bus...

For months Amy, Chad, and I have been talking about going to the taco bus in Preston, ID. Well today, we went! On the way there we stopped at the Idaho/Utah border for some jumping photos.




The funny thing about it...the taco bus wasn't a taco bus after all. After a lovely drive from Logan to Preston-the hometown of legendary Napoleon Dynamite-we turned on to the street where the taco bus was supposed to be and we see a restaurant...no taco bus. I thought Chad was going to cry! It turns out the taco bus did so well, they got rid of the bus and turned it into a full fledged restaurant. Although we were sad it wasn't a bus, the food was pretty good. We took some photos to document the fact that we finally made it to the taco bus that wasn't a bus.


After dinner we drove around Preston, saw the high school that's in Napoleon Dynamite and a really creepy house. Listening and singing along to the music, on the drive back we did some exploring. We pulled off the road where there was a sign for a historical marker. It turned out that Chad had actually been down the road before when he was doing some photography, ironically enough. There was a sweet railroad bridge overlooking a creek that was pretty picturesque. We all love to be spontaneous so we stopped for an impromptu photoshoot. Who doesn't love having their picture taken?!



After we were done having fun being vain, we drove back to Logan and went to Charlie's for ice cream. It was another fun summer adventure with awesome friends!