hope for sunny days...

I feel there are many meanings and feelings behind these simple words.

sharp knife of a short life...

Seattle has experienced only 351 minutes of summer. A driver with a blood alcohol level four times the legal limit killed a 42-year-old Google engineer and father of two. The Mariner's have lost their 16th game in a row. Singer Amy Winehouse was found dead in her apartment after a supposed drug overdose. A master's degree is the new bachelor's degree. In Norway a political extremist opened fire at a youth camp and bombed the government center, killing over 90 people. The U.S. is facing a crisis in regards to the national debt ceiling.

It seems everywhere I turn sorrow, disappointment, fear, and death abound. Unfortunately, around my corner, my family is experiencing all of those emotions.

Last night my little sister Elizabeth was in the ER after she began hemorrhaging 10 days post-op from a tonsillectomy. Although she lost a lot of blood, she did not need a blood transfusion and her surgeon was able to come in and repair the burst artery. We were at the hospital for over five hours. She's home safe and sound, but it was quite the traumatic experience.

Tomorrow our family has to put down our 8-month-old puppy Brinkley. He has acute kidney failure which resulted from a drug administered to him after he was neutered about two weeks ago. He's been living at the vet the past week, hooked up to an IV pumping constant fluids into his frail body. Almost every day we've visited and attempted to feed him everything from chicken to cottage cheese. He wouldn't touch his dog food. EE would throw his ball for him in the dog run, reminding us of how much a puppy he still is. Every night my parents have anxiously awaited a call from the vet to reveal the results of his blood tests, only to hear that his kidney levels had not improved.

Brinkley won't go to the beach with my parents in September. He'll never frolic with other dogs at the dog park while he chases after a chuck-it ball. We'll have too much Thanksgiving turkey this year because Brinkley won't be there to haul off with it. Our ornaments will be safe from his puppy tail at Christmas. The backyard filled with toys will lay dormant. The memories we anticipated will never be made. Our house is quiet. His donut doesn't squeak and balls no longer assault every wall of the house. Kootchi has no one to play with.

We've all cried a lot today. I'm sure we'll only cry more tomorrow. This is one of those things we are subjected to as mortals. Early death. Perceived injustice. An 8-month-old puppy who was perfectly healthy two weeks ago shouldn't be dying of kidney failure. It doesn't feel right. But, reality is that sometimes we don't get the miracle, no matter how much faith we have or how hard we try.

Brinkley is more than just a dog; he's a member of our family. Now, I understand the lyrics "sharp knife of a short life" from the song If I Die Young. My family and I are living them.

In the words of my sweet little sister: "I'll miss everything..."

a woman's career...

Funny business, a woman's career - the things you drop on your way up the ladder so you can move faster. You forget you'll need them again when you get back to being a woman.

That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted.

And in the last analysis, nothing's any good unless you can look up just before dinner or turn around in bed, and there he is. Without that, you're not a woman. You're something with a French provincial office or a book full of clippings, but you're not a woman.

Slow curtain, the end.

~Bette Davis as Margo Channing in All About Eve

Growing Up...

It seems crazy that it's hard to become who you really are...but it is. That much I know is true.

Going to graduate school is an amazing opportunity. A chance for me to face some of my biggest fears and embrace who I want to become. Lately, the reality of it all is setting in. I'm excited and scared.

Life's about change, and this is a big one. I miss my friends, but it always seems that I don't stay in one place. For some reason, growing up means moving away. I don't know why.

As a little kid I couldn't wait to grow up. Now at almost 24, I'm learning to embrace the present and find a little bit of the kid I never really knew.

There's a place for us...

My friend Emily shared this song with me the other day at work. Watching the music video I felt the spirit so strongly. The lyrics capture the essence of the gospel and the hope of the atonement. I know, without a doubt, that there's a place for us. There is more than just this life.



There's a place out there for us,
more than just a prayer or anything you've ever dreamed of.
So if you feel like giving up cause you don't fit in down here,
fear is crashing in, close your eyes and take my hand.

We can be the kings and queens of anything if we believe.
It's written in the stars that shine above,
a world where you and I belong, where faith and love will keep us strong,
exactly who we are is just enough
there's a place for us, there's a place for us.

When the water meets the sky,
where your heart is free and hope comes back to life,
when these broken hands are whole again,
well will find what we've been waiting for,
we were made for so much more

We can be the kings and queens of anything if we believe.
It's written in the stars that shine above,
a world where you and I belong, where faith and love will keep us strong,
exactly who we are is just enough,
there's a place for us, there's a place for us

So hold on, now hold on,
there's a place for us

We can be the kings and queens of anything if we believe.
It's written in the stars that shine above,
a world where you and I belong, where faith and love will keep us strong,
exactly who we are is just enough, exactly who we are is just enough,
there's a place for us.

Wisdom from Meet Joe Black...

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. I say, fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back. How do you find him? Well, you forget your head, and you listen to your heart. And I'm not hearing any heart. Cause the truth is, honey, there's no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven't lived a life at all."

"But you have to try, cause if you haven't tried, you haven't lived."

Choose Something Like a Star...

This poem's sentiment is profound. It is applicable to every person at every stage of life.

Choose Something Like a Star
by Robert Frost

O Star (the fairest one in sight),
We grant your loftiness the right
To some obscurity of cloud --
It will not do to say of night,
Since dark is what brings out your light.
Some mystery becomes the proud.
But to be wholly taciturn
In your reserve is not allowed.

Say something to us we can learn
By heart and when alone repeat.
Say something! And it says "I burn."
But say with what degree of heat.
Talk Fahrenheit, talk Centigrade.
Use language we can comprehend.
Tell us what elements you blend.

It gives us strangely little aid,
But does tell something in the end.
And steadfast as Keats' Eremite,
Not even stooping from its sphere,
It asks a little of us here.
It asks of us a certain height,
So when at times the mob is swayed
To carry praise or blame too far,
We may choose something like a star
To stay our minds on and be staid.

This is awesome...