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Yesterday I couldn't function, I basically stayed in bed all day. I didn't go to class and totally forgot about on-line tutor training. Getting up to brush my hair seemed too hard. That's the weird thing with depression. Some days you just can't function, everything comes crashing down on you at once, and all you have strength to do is breath. I don't expect people to understand it. I don't like to tell people because sometimes it makes no sense. I pretty much stayed in bed all day today too.
At 6pm tonight I decided to go to the store with one of my roommates and attempt to function. Afterwards, I felt like maybe I could make a list of everything that's bothering me. So I did and then I called my mom. We talked it all out and I decided that I am not going to try and graduate in December.
Just because I am capable of doing it doesn't mean I should. There is no time table to life once you get out of high school. I think subconsciously I have been thinking, "well if you hadn't withdrawn from BYU and gone crazy and everything, then you'd be graduating this semester..." I can be so mean to myself sometimes. Graduating in spring solves so many problems. There is no rush to life. I feel much better about this decision than trying to figure out all the legistics for December. I just have to keep reminding myself that I can live by my own time table, which can really mean, I don't have to have one.
4 comments:
AMEN!!! I love you Rissy! xoxoxoxoxo Auntie
It's human nature to beat ourselves up now and again. We play the "coulda, woulda, shoulda" game. Don't let the bad guys get to you. You play for the right team and will always have so many to back you up, support you and love you regardless. Remember that you have the greatest insurance plan in the world...turn to him.
WE LOVE YOU!
-Travis
This is exactly why I decided to graduate next spring too! :)
Hey Clarissa, you know that if you are ever feeling down, you are always welcome to come and talk things out with Kevin and I. Our door is always open to you! It's a good decision to graduate in spring, the weather is nicer for one thing, and you are so young and really down need to rush anything. Heck, Kevin and I will both be 26 when we graduate, and I will be turning 27 three weeks later. There is no rush. In fact, it's a good idea to enjoy things as long as possible. We love you!
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