Impasses...

I am at a constant impasse
I never know where I’m going or what I’m doing
You’re in and you’re out
And I'm still waiting
I need to know which way to go
Towards you or far away from me
Right now it feels like either way
There will always be trouble
Reasons to get all torn up inside
But I can’t keep fighting this fight
Lying to myself when things aren’t right
Maybe love will never love me back
And if that’s so, I have to let it go
Is it a matter of being patient
Or seeing what I can't seem to see
What's good for me?
There are things I'll never be able to change
Time doesn't ever stop
My life and my heart aren't things I want to waste
It'd be easier if you said something cruel
Something to make me hate you and have no reason to stay
But that's not how life works for me
I don't ever seem to be able to walk away from anything
I have to pretend to be strong when I'm already broken
I fall in love with potential because I don't know reality
The only thing I know how to do is fight
Because see, no one ever fights for me
So I fight until my eyes turn blue
Blue from bruises I can't see
From a source so unwilling yet ready to leave