Caddie Rose Fidler...a dog with a heart of gold

We had to put our dog Caddie down tonight. It's weird to have lost her first. We always thought we'd lose Russell before we lost Caddie. A few weeks ago she had two seizures and on Christmas day she had two more. Her kidneys levels were almost triple what they should be and the veterinarian suspected she had developed a brain tumor. There was a chance it was only a viral infection but after giving her a round of antibiotics this week, she continued to go down hill.

When I left to come back to Utah after Christmas I knew my parents were most likely going to have to put Caddie down in the near future. I was doing ok with everything until I saw a picture of her tonight about an hour before my parents and sister took her to the vet to be put down. I lost it. I sobbed and sobbed until I was together enough to pick up the phone and call my family. My sister Elizabeth answered and we just kept saying how much this all sucked. I hate this stuff, but this is a part of life. Loss. I had EE put the phone to Caddie's ear so I could tell her goodbye.

So here I sit with my second Coca-Cola of the day---it's Monday and it's already been a rough week---lamenting the loss of my dear Caddie while listening to Little Big Town's song "Kiss Goodbye" trying not to cry. Russell has always been my favorite but Caddie was the sweetest dog you could ever meet. She had a heart of gold. She never snapped at anyone and the worst thing she did was get in the garbage every once in awhile. She loved going to the beach. Milkbones were probably her favorite thing in the world. She'd practically bite your hand off feeding her one.

We always called her crazy Caddie because she was always super excited about life and ready to tell you all about it. She was a mouthy broad. Over the last three years while I was at Utah State, almost every time I talked to my mom I'd hear Caddie barking in the background. I'd say, "Shut up Caddie! I can hear you all the way in Logan!". The past few months I've replaced "Logan" with "Salt Lake". Even though sometimes it made it hard to hear what my mom was saying, hearing Caddie bark in the background always made me smile.

Caddie wasn't just a dog. The past 10 years she has been an important part of our family. She's always been there to give each of us unconditional love. That's the wonderful thing about dogs. It's why the book Marley & Me was a bestseller. It's why pet insurance was created. I'm a dog person...can't help it.

I look forward to the day when my future husband and I get our own golden retriever. Life won't be complete without one. I want to name him Xander, but we'll see what my husband has to say too. I can't marry someone who doesn't want a dog. That's a deal breaker.

Whatever golden retriever is in my future I know Caddie will make sure I get a good one. I won't ever look at a golden without thinking of Caddie. She was a true testament to her bread. Life is better with a dog. It's a simple truth of life.


Mimaw said...

I'M.SO.SORRY. . . . . you've truly lost a family member, it made me cry just reading about it. But remember. . . all dogs go to heaven!

jjfid said...

Oh Rissy <3 Made me cry thinking. You have captured Ms Caddie so well. She was a "mouthy broad"!!! :-) :-) I too could never hear with her barking in the background! Funny how those are the things you miss most when loved ones leave... all the little annoying things that have endeared them to your heart. Thanks for writing this little tribute to Caddiekins. She really did have a heart of gold. Loved Caddie <3 <3 Love you more! xoxo