Catching Up...

I feel like I haven't really blogged, at least consistently, for quite some time. It could be because I've been busy graduating from college, moving to a new apartment, and getting on with the rest of my life. The most distracting thing is the whole "getting on with the rest of my life" part. Limbo Land has become my hometown. My mind spins with questions about keeping my job, looking for a new job, losing friends, maintaining relationships, finding places to live, moving, searching for something to give me peace...anything really. I planned my whole life out to the point of graduating from college; I forgot to dream up anything else. I assumed my life would follow the cookie cutter pattern of meeting a boy in college, marrying him so we could live happily every after, and going from there; what a far cry from my reality.

Even though life doesn't go the way you plan, it helps me to have something resembling a plan, some idea of what I want/what could happen in the future. I thought my life would follow this little formula and that I'd be in a place in my life where I see so many others...married, starting a life with another person, thinking about having kids, buying your first house etc. For whatever reason, that has not been, nor is it, my life. And, I'm ok with that. I've had to get to that place of acceptance, of a realization that it's ok that I'm not where I thought I would be and where so many other people are. Right now, I am trying to figure out what's next, what do I need to do to make the most of where I am right now. So many questions, and it seems like I can't find the answers. They will come, but it takes time...something I have too much and too little of, all at the same time.

Despite all of the questions that invade my head, I have been busy doing other things. Earlier this month I threw a "bachelor party" for Chadly. Obviously, from the fact that girl planned it, the party wasn't really a "bachelor party". We went out to this country-bumpkin diner in Preston, ID for dinner and then went to see the movie "The A-Team". Two weeks ago I went home to visit my family in Washington. It was great to have a break from work and hang with the fam. I flew in to Seattle and then drove back with Kevin and Jamie (my cousin and his wife). We took the longest way possible home but had a good time. We stopped in Spokane to check out Gonzaga's law school because Kevin is thinking about applying there when the time comes. It was amazing! I could totally live there and got to school there. When I start applying to grad schools, I think I will apply there in addition to the University of Utah, Utah State etc. I also celebrated my first 24th of July this year. Gotta love Utah-Only holidays, complete with floats of confetti-laden, glittery temple models. This summer is nothing like last summer but no year is ever the same. What kind of life would that be anyway?

1 comment:

jjfid said...

Great Post Clarissa! You are right where you are supposed to be! I love reading your thoughts and feelings! You are very real and very special to me! xoxoxo Love you! xoxo Auntie