Losing & Seeking Hope...

One of my close friends is going through some really rough times right now. He's at the point where he has no faith and hope that life can ever get better. An avalanche of trials has hit him, and he can't seem to figure out how to wade through the snow.

I've been there. I know what the feeling is like. It's the worst feeling in the world.

We talked the other night until 1:00 am, about life and the struggles he is facing. There is a dark place that you go when all hope is lost, when you are banging your head against the wall trying to push forward when there's no promise of reprieve from sorrow.

Sometimes there comes a time when no amount of determination or will to fight makes a difference; something has to change but you have no idea what, and you feel powerless, unable to make any sort of progress towards happiness.

Having no hope is HELL. I have been trying to figure out the difference between faith and hope and if you can have one without the other, or if they come more as a package deal. I think you have to have hope first, confidence that something can happen, and then faith is putting that hope into action, taking the risk to try something, even when no positive track record exists.

In this state, advice that things will quote "workout" and "what's supposed to happen will happen" don't make anything better. In fact, most of the time, for me, it just pissed me off even more. When you have no hope those words are empty. They mean nothing; even though you know, deep down, they have to be true.

My friend said one of the worst parts about everything is seeing how happy everyone around him is right now, seeing what everyone else has when he feels he has nothing.
I feel bad trying to console him when I am one of those happy people right now. It's strange to be on the happy end, but I'm not complaining. Right now life is good, but I have definitely been where my friend is right now, too many times.

I've been places darker than hell; places I never want to visit again.

I am not sure, when we lose hope, exactly how we go about finding it again. For me, it took removing myself from a toxic environment, along with admitting to myself that I needed help, that I wasn't strong enough to combat my problems alone. In my eyes I had failed, but I learned that what I thought was failure, was actually a great success. Finding hope again also took time, an answer we all hate to hear because of its indefinite nature.

I think a lot of the process of finding hope again is simply being willing to exist in your current state of hell and not give up. That no matter how hard it gets, when you have no answers on how to make it better, you still try to show up for life everyday in order to make it to the next.


Tessa!!! said...

You go girl! Live your happy life, and yes, I truly believe you made a brave decision to let yourself fail. Someday (heh), if the time comes, I hope I can be that brave too.

jjfid said...

I really "felt" what you described here. Once again you have put into words something that I have only pondered. Thanks Rissy. You have great insight. xoxo Love you! Auntie