What I've Always Wanted...

I can't believe spring semester is almost over. A year from now I will be preparing to graduate from college. In less than a week I will be flying home to see my family for a week and then head back to spend my summer in Logan. I am super excited to see my family, but I am soooo glad that I'm not going to live at home this summer. I couldn't do it again. When I go home I'm stagnant; it's like I'm not really living. In Logan I am alive more than I have ever been in my life. There's something about this place that lets me be who I really am and dream about who I want to become. Logan is my home---literally and figuratively. Every time I see Exit 362 I become almost giddy...I know I'm almost home. I used to hate Utah--- how the mountains were so in your face, you could see for miles down the billboard studded highway, and the dry heat---then I moved to Logan and my entire perspective changed. I could honestly be happy living in Logan for the rest of my life.

For the first time in my life I've had the kind of semester I've always wanted. Maybe my grades won't be as fabulous as they usually are, but this semester I have really lived. I've had a 'Friends' kind of life...complete with numerous inside jokes and funny quotes, hanging out anyday, anytime, walking in to the next door guys' apt. without knocking, having them do the same. There is this ease to life that has never been there before. It doesn't mean there hasn't been drama, heartache, anger, or dissappointment...maybe I am simply becoming more comfortable in my own skin. The boys next door and me and my roommates have shared so many memories together this semester...Sunday dinners, sharing of crazy dreams, midnight dance parties, spring break adventures, Pop 5 battles, Numbers, Friends, & The Office marathons, and endless pranks. Together we've triumphed in each of our successes and felt for each other in our failures and challenges. We'll never all be together again at the same time. Soon we will no longer be the girls next door and the boys next door will move on to another place. But for awhile, we've been everything neighbors should be...real friends.

Switching gears...I may not be in a relationship, but I have been schooled in that department this semester, and I mean schooled in a good context. I have good guy friends. I made a move for a good friend, he didn't feel the same way, and we're still amazing friends, maybe even better friends now. That's definitely an entirely new experience; one that's NEVER happened before. I've been able to observe healthy relationships and not so healthy ones. Mid-semester, I had this complete pardigm shift. I realized that I may not always intially recognize what it is I really want, even if it's right in front of me. I've experienced that physical attraction can grow over time, the more you get to know someone. Granted, physical attraction is a vital element in the relationship equation, but it is not number one. It's hard to find the line between friends and something more. I knew that already, but until this semester I didn't understand what it was really like to have to work hard to distinguish that line. There's something special about knowing and feeling that someone is excited to talk to you. It's even better knowing that someone you find attractive and desirable, feels the same way about you too. I know what it's like not to be wanted. I am beginning to experience what it's like to be wanted. What's more flattering than having someone tell you they were daydreaming about you or that they can't focus on things when they think about you?


Mandi said...

Is there someone new?

Kevin said...

Yes, I want to know who is daydreaming about you!