thoughts from around my corner

Around my corner you will find...a girl who's hair is the color of dark chocolate taffy. A twenty something who is a hopeless romantic, but someone who also has had enough life experience to realize life isn't really like the movies. My soul has been shattered. My heart has been tried. Darwin was right in the sense that we all evolve, we have to learn to survive ourselves. We are own predators, our own threat to extinction. In a world of elaborately woven deceptions, in the end, we can hold the high hand in the game of deceiving ourselves.

It’s hard to be positive when there isn’t a track record to back the notion. You want to believe, but the science of the matter, the facts, the outcomes to the previous experiments, have all gone in opposition to your favor. I watch these movies and become absorbed in stories about women who don’t know themselves, who are hiding behind a fa├žade of the tinted glass of loss. I identify with their emotions, thoughts, and perceptions…but see for me…there hasn’t been a guy at the end of the tunnel to make everything appear rosy again.

With everything in my life it has always seemed to me that I had the power to control it, that every time anything went wrong it was always my complete and utter fault, there was no other plausible explanation for why when everything should be right, it still was not. I don’t hate my life but I don’t understand it. I don’t like to give things credit because I know they could be so much worse, everything comes with a disclaimer. But the truth is, for me, my world, what I knew, what I wanted, what I thought has shattered. How do you find hope in a world that doesn’t seem to supply it? Are we really powerful enough to make our own?

1 comment:

jjfid said...

Clarissa- The questions you pose at the end are intriguing. I went to BYUB.org and searched under Hope. I love some of Elder Neil A Maxwell thoughts on hope. In his talk entitled-
"Plow in Hope"
He describes the following-
Quote
"By utilizing the Atonement, we access the gifts of the Holy Ghost, which 'filleth with hope and perfect love'" (Moro. 8:26). close quote

In his talk "Brightness of Hope" Elder Maxwell says the following-
quote-"Paul urges us to "plow in hope" (1 Cor. 9:10).
Those, however, who "plow in hope" not only understand the law of the harvest but they also understand what growing seasons are all about. True, those with genuine hope may see their proximate circumstances shaken like a kaleidoscope at times, yet with the "eye of faith" they still see divine design (Alma 5:15).
Ultimate hope, of course, is tied to Jesus and the great Atonement, with its free gift of the universal Resurrection and the proffer of God's greatest gift, eternal life (see Moro. 7:40–41; Alma 27:28; D&C 6:13; 14:7).

I also love how he explained that hope must be carefully and constantly nurtured!
Quote-
"Just as doubt, despair, and desensitization go together, so do faith, hope, and charity. The latter, however, must be carefully and constantly nurtured, whereas despair, like dandelions, needs so little encouragement to sprout and spread. Despair comes so naturally to the natural man!"
close quote
Neal A. Maxwell, “Brightness of Hope,” Ensign, Nov. 1994, 34

I love it when I recognize divine design! To me that is what writing helps one to do... recognize divine design.
Love you Rissy! xoxo Auntie